On My Own
by jOO
Summary: PG because of one curse word. A character has to survive on their own...but who?


Author's Note: I could post this song and it would make the perfect Quistis fanfic alone, but since that's very illegal (lol), I'll add my own twist to it. This song is from Les Miserable. It's an excellent musical that I suggest you all rent or see performed. I think that Quistis is one of my favorite characters because I relate to her the most. Seriously ya'll, this song is the story of my life. Enough belly aching though...(*sigh*) Oh, and everything in quotations are a part of the song...  
Disclaimer: I'm just borrowing Squaresoft's dolls to play with, so don't sue me. Les Miserable and the song "On My Own" is not mine either. Victor Hugo wrote Les Miserable and I'm thinkin' Andrew Lloyd Weber had a part to play in the musical, but don't quote me on that. And now your feature presentation.....  
   
   
On My Own  
   
"And now I'm all alone again   
Nowhere to turn, no one to go to   
Without a home, without a friend   
Without a face to say hello to   
And now the night is near   
Now I can make believe he's here.  
  
Sometimes I walk alone at night   
When everybody else is sleeping   
I think of him and then I'm happy   
With the company I'm keeping   
The city goes to bed   
And I can live inside my head "  
  
It's cold out tonight. The kind of cold that stings at your cheeks. The kind that reminds you of when you were little, when you stand and blow steam into the air while the other kids would watch you with red faces. There are few people out here tonight. Only a few drunks, but things are really peaceful here in Timber.   
I can't fall asleep tonight. Tonight? What am I thinking...I haven't been able to sleep for a while. I think people are starting to notice. My face has turned from it's rosy self to a bland pale, and people are starting to say my eyes look empty. Maybe they are. Oh well. I think I've traced every inch of every town in the world. Every night I get up and walk. Hell, I think I walk more at night than I do during the day. That's pathetic, Quisty.  
The night watchmen asked me why I do this so much. "Such a pretty young lady shouldn't be out at night like this."...There's a lot he doesn't know. There's a lot everyone else has no clue about. "Why are you don't you date more often?" I get asked that all the time. They think that the only way to be happy is to have someone to hold you. There's something they don't know.  
Every night I walk alone along the wet, beaten sidewalks, but I'm not always alone. I know this sounds so pathetic, but I'm not always so cold.   
  
"On my own   
Pretending he's beside me   
All alone   
I walk with him till morning   
Without him   
I feel his arms around me   
And when I lose my way I close my eyes   
And he has found me   
  
In the rain   
The pavement shines like silver   
All the lights   
Are misty in the river   
In the darkness   
The trees are full of starlight   
And all I see is him and me   
Forever and forever "  
  
The stars are dazzling. They smile down at me with their smiles sparkling. The trees dance slowly in the night air, as the fireflies fly around. The sidewalk shines like a beautiful river in the moonlight, and I am but a lone passenger. I look down and I know he is near. I know he is close to me. I can feel his arm around me.  
His brown hair falls in front of his face as he tries to look into my downcast eyes. I had almost forgotten how deep his own eyes were. I can see past them though. I can see the torment, the passion, and the bravery that lies within him. I think he knows that.   
He holds me close, guiding my path along the concrete river. I lean my head upon his shoulder, sighing into the night air. We walk and talk for hours. For once everything is alright in the world.  
  
"And I know it's only in my mind   
That I'm talking to myself and not to him   
And although I know that he is blind   
Still I say there's a way for us   
  
I love him   
But when the night is over   
He is gone   
The river's just a river   
Without him   
The world around me changes   
The trees are bare and everywhere   
The streets are full of strangers "  
  
And then the sun begins to rise, and he is gone. The stars fade out. They no longer smile at us. The once lifelike trees are still. They are dieing. Slowly. The fireflies are taking their rest. The sidewalk is covered in cracks and dirt. I am cold and tired.  
A drunk vomits in the distance. I step around him. The world is a dirty, hateful place without him. It always has been.  
  
"I love him   
But everyday I'm learning   
All my life I've only been pretending   
Without me his world will go on turning   
A world that's full of happiness that I   
Have never known"  
  
Maybe they are right. Maybe I do need someone. Maybe these walks are pointless. Maybe I should start taking sleeping pills. Or maybe I should see a therapist. I don't know. All my life I've loved him. I've known no other love. Maybe I've been too blinded by him to see anyone else. I mean, there are perfectly happy normal people out there. What do they get that I don't?  
  
I'm confused.  
  
" I love him, I love him, I love him   
But only on my own."  
  
All I know is...despite what people say or how he feels, I love him. I love him.  
  
But only on my own. 


End file.
